So I figured it out, folks. The answer is: duct tape! That's right, duct tape. I happen to have some fabulous hot pink duct tape, and I used it to tape down the backing fabric so that it couldn't shift around while I was laying down the batting. And it worked! No Adam required. Then I pinned the whole thing with approximately a million safety pins, and now it's ready to be quilted!
I'm not nervous about that part or anything...
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